échec
by JanniAlexxa
Summary: Darker sequel to involontairement. Warning! Character death, gore and other incredibly sad things. Rivamika. Smut in later chapters.
1. perte

_Chapter One_

* * *

**_échec_**

perte

_I've seen inside the devil's dreams where young men die  
And graveyards open up their arms for mothers left to cry_

* * *

Everything had happened so fast. The screams of anguish and mixed with the roars of dying titans, and crimson blood stained the green cloaks of the group. They had lost control, it was pure chaos; bodies of both titans and soldiers were falling on the ground that now was red from all the blood that was spilled. The squad fought as hard as they could, but with every scream of pain their moral sank. It wasn't until they were down by a third of their squad, that Erwin gave orders to retreat. Everyone obligated, relieved, shamefully happy that they were alive. No one bothered to pick up the bodies that were on the ground; they were a burden, and the titans would devour them sooner or later. Everyone wanted to escape, not bothering to help those in need.  
In the middle of the chaos, a scream, unlike any other filled the air. It was a scream no one had heard before. It was Sasha. Sasha, the smiling girl who's only mission in life was to eat and make others happy. Sasha, the girl who no one could have pictured dying. Jean was the first on the scene, the first one to witness the death of his beloved friend. Sasha's body was brutally ripped in half, her blood splattering n his face, coloring his brown hair crimson red. A sickening rip was heard as the last piece of muscle holding the young woman's body together was torn apart.

Time

stood

still

For a second, everything went silent. It was as if even the titans understood, that something unthinkable, almost impossible, just had happened. An anguished scream escaped Jeans dry throat, breaking the silence.

"Sasha"

He started running, his feet hitting the wet soil hard. He didn't know why he ran, it was obvious that it was already too late. The last thing he saw before he passed out, was her upper body being swallowed by a titan, and her lower half thrown at him, forcing the last litres of blood inside the body to spurt out of her body, colouring the trees nearby red. As the unconscious young man hit the ground, the mutilated tangle of limbs fell on him. It was a gruesome sight, that only one person witnessed. The short man clenched his teeth, fighting against the urge to flee back into safety. Back home, where his pregnant fiancé´ was waiting. Levi grunted in dismay, knowing he had to do the right thing. . He knew that he had to save him, so he swiftly turned the other way, forcing his 3DMG go faster and faster. He could feel that he was about to be out of gas, but he couldn't leave a soldier there, they had already lost too many. He felt something wet hit his face as he flew through the air, not sure if it was blood or rain. He didn't care. With a smooth movement he grabbed the young soldier under his arm, and continued his way back to the headquarters. For some reason, he was in luck; the titans had lost interest in him; the bodies on the ground and in the trees had caught their attention.

**o**

The scouting legion arrived back at the headquarters in silence. They had lost so many, and gained nothing. It was a bitter defeat, one other biggest since Wall Maria fell. The silence was only broken by the wounded soldier's cries. Everyone knew that half of the wounded wouldn't make it through the night, and the ones that did… Well, it wouldn't be easy for them to continue the fight with missing limbs.  
Jean was starting to wake up as Levi placed him into the tent that served as an infirmary, now that the old one was full. The tent smelled bad; rotting flesh and blood filled the air, seeking its way into the Corporals nostrils. He covered his nose and looked around. The sight was dreadful; soldiers were crying, screaming out for their parents, partners and lost comrades. It was obvious that some of them had lost their mind. Deciding that he shouldn't stay in anyone's way, he left. His steps felt heavy as he made his way home. His heart ached, knowing that he had to tell Mikasa the dreadful news. He had to tell her that her best friend was dead, and that there wasn't even a body to bury.

"Levi!" a relieved cry shook him out of his thoughts. Mikasa started running towards him, throwing her hand around his neck, not minding all the blood on his clothes. "Levi, thank god you are okay…" she mumbled, relief in her voice.

"Mikasa-"Levi murmured, not wanting to ruin the moment by telling the news. He knew he had to, she would have done the same to him. The younger woman took a step back, concern painting her face pale.

"Who is it?" she asks, knowing that he brings news of death. "Is it Eren? Armin? Is it Sa-"  
The look on his face tells everything? Her world sinks. Her best friend is gone. Gasping for breath, tears fill her eyes. "How did…" she doesn't manage to finish her sentence.

"A titan got her. There was nothing to be done." He tells her. The tears on her face make his stomach turn painfully. Oh god, all he wants to do is protect her. Protect her from everything bad in this world, but he knows he can't. Death plays a big part in their life.

Mikasa sobs as more tears fall down her cheeks. She clenches her fist, feeling utterly helpless. She sat inside while her friends were fighting for freedom, for a future. She hated herself for it.

"Let's just wash you up." She says, voice cold.

"Mikasa we should talk about what happened, you can't just-"  
"I really don't want to talk right now"

They walk inside their cabin in a thick silence. He steps into the shower, and she helps him wash his back. The blood colours the water red, and she feels sick. Together they walk into their tiny bedroom, laying down on the bed. No one says a word.

"I'm glad you're okay." She whispers and squeezes his hand. He nods and turns on his side, watching her features. She looks softer, he notices. Not only in the stomach and breasts, but also in the face. His hand travels to her stomach, stroking it carefully.

"We will win one day" he whispers. He's not sure if it's a lie or not, or if he even believes in it himself. She doesn't, even if her heart desperately wants to.

Suddenly, the he feels a light kick under his hand. He looks up to her eyes, and he sees that she also looks surprised.

"Did they just-?" he asks, voice thick with emotion. She nods and places her hand next to his. They lay together in silence, feeling the babies kick. With each kick, their smiles grow wider. The world may be a cruel place, but it is also so beautiful. The children inside her remind them both of the brighter future that they're both fighting for.

They fall asleep after an hour or so, to the light kicking of the unborn babies.

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Please review and tell me what you think!


	2. perdu

perdu

_I'm here to use my heart and my hands_  
_Somehow the bruises changed my plans_

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Connie sat alone in his room, accompanied by a headache that seemed to only get stronger by every passing minute. His eyes were red and dry, he had shed all the tears that he once possessed just hours earlier as he found out about the fate of his best friend. 24 hours ago, she was still alive. He could still see her in front of him; her wild auburn hair dancing around her soft features as she swung from tree to tree, kicking his ass in the daily competitions they had. His heart wrenched when he realized that he would never see her smile again. He would never again laugh with her at Jeans desperate attempts to flirt with Mikasa, or Eren's confused look when someone asked him a hard question… Quite frankly, Connie doubted that he would ever laugh again. He hadn't just lost his best friend, he had also lost his soul mate. Not soul mate as in a romantic interest, the relationship between Connie and Sasha had always been platonic, and they were both satisfied with it. They were still indeed soul mates; they completed each other. They always knew when something was troubling the other, they always thought about the same things and they had jokes far too childish and absurd for others to catch on to. They understood when the other needed a shoulder to cry on, and when it was best to just leave them alone.  
Connie sighed and buried his face in his hands. He hadn't just lost a friend that day. He had also lost his hope for a future, his other half.  
"Oh Sasha…" he whispered, voice hoarse and restrained "Please come back"

**o**

In the infirmary there was nothing but pure chaos going on. Levi looked around the room, not sure where his help was most needed. Cries of agony mixed with the panicked commands of the medical corps.  
"Levi, over here!" Levi saw Hanji standing a few feet away, trying to wrap bandages over a soldier who wouldn't stop moving. He was rambling something about dying, and it wasn't until Levi stood right in front of the young soldier that he recognize him. It was Jean Kirschtein.  
"Levi!" his scream made the hair in Levi's neck rise. "Levi p-please just kill me! Kill me! I can't live like this! Just k-k-kill me! KILL ME! KILL ME FOR F-FUCKS SAKE I NEED TO D-DIE!" Hanji pressed a long needle inside Jeans arm, and the young man fell silent. Levi let out a breath he didn't even know he was keeping, and started to assist Hanji. The words still echoed in his head. I need to die… Levi had seen many soldiers lose their minds, but no one had wished their own death. Living was the only thing that mattered, but Jean didn't seem to care anymore. It was as if he had lost all hope.

It wasn't until sundown that all the injured were taken care of. All the dead soldiers were burned and mourned, but Levi didn't go to watch the event. He had in his years in the army already seen so many of his friends get swallowed by those red flames. He could respect the dead in his own way. He didn't like to make his grief public. With a heavy sigh he started walking towards his house, desperate to see Mikasa, his hope.

**o**

"Levi!" a scream rang through the halls, followed by a wordless, anguished sob. "Levi, please, oh my god, Levi!"

For the second time in a matter of two days, time stood still. Even the birds' stopped singing, but that was, of course, a thing that Levi didn't notice. The only thought that raced through his mind was Mikasa. He ran as fast as he could through the garden, into his house, not bothering taking his muddy boots of like he normally would. The sight in front of him was something that would be forever sketched into his mind.

Mikasa sat on the floor, blood everywhere around her. She was pale, white as a ghost, as if all the blood she once possessed was now pooled around her, staining the floor. The blood was coming from between her legs, pouring out in an alarming rate.

"Mikasa!" he gasped and sat down next to her, not sure what to do. ! I'll get help. Wait here" he said and ran to the window. He saw some soldiers making their way to the barracks, and waved his hand. "We need a medic!" he screamed with a hoarse voice "Get us a fucking medic here!"

The boys looked shocked, but started running towards the medic tent. Levi returned back next to Mikasa. She was shaking uncontrollably, her face grey like ash.

"The babies Levi, I can't-" a powerful sob broke her sentence in half, leaving her gasping for air.- Levi didn't know what to do, he was in shock, millions of thoughts rushing through his head.

"I can't feel them anymore. They aren't kicking"


End file.
